My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
