Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
