Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize