White coat. Heels.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
