So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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