Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
