This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
