you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
