Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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