is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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