Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
