bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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