well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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