My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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