I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
