Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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