i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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