I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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