its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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