We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
