How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
