im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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