We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
