Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize