I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i've created a new STD.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
COCAINE IS GR8
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