there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
