well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
two words: eviction party
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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