Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
