I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
