none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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