then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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