What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
