White coat. Heels.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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