just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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