a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
