he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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