there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
