I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
