The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
