u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
