The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize