He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
