Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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