woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
