oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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