Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
