No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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