just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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