He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
