my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
