sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
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