And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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