how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
