just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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