There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
