I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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