Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
