I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
