Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
