Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
