mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
