now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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