We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
