I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
