Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize