and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
