Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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