I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
