you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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