Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
