Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
