Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
