ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize