I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my phone needs a breathalizer
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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